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Dear D. Shaman,

My girlfriend insists on keeping a cat in the house.  However, I collect antique Persian rugs from the fourteenth century.  Is there a polite way of kicking this cat out on the street?

Signed,

That Rug Cost Me $14,000, You Miserable Little Rodent!

Dear Rodent,

Your best bet is to have an open talk with your girlfriend, telling her why you don't believe that her cat should come along with her into your house.  If that doesn't work, remember, "girlfriend" doesn't mean "wife," and you can kick her out anytime.

I hope this helps,

D. Shaman

Dear D. Shaman,

My boyfriend recently kicked me out all because my cat peed on a few of his "precious" 14th-century Persian rugs.  What should I do?

Signed,

How Was I Supposed to Know That Mr. Whiskers Was Incontinent?

Dear Incontinent,

Suck it up.

I hope this helps,

D. Shaman

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